#spillthebeansonlove - Chapter 24
How quickly life returns to normal. It’s one of those weird realizations that the world doesn’t stop spinning just because it seemed that way to you.
The most beautiful man and I are fortunate because although we loved our first date/vacay, we both came home to lives and jobs we enjoy.
The next morning, as usual I wake up to my ‘Good morning beautiful,’ text. I text back, Good Morning Guapo (Spanish for handsome), but it auto corrects to guano, which is precisely defined as: the excrement of seabirds and bats. Dang it. Maybe he doesn’t know that word since English is his second language…? Fat chance, but worth a shot.
He writes back: We spent approximately 78 hours straight together. Isn’t that crazy? I’m unpacking now, and it feels a little sad.
Me: I need to do the same and I’m dreading it.
Him: Wow, I can smell your perfume on my clothes.
Me: Ok, now I’m sad. This is awful.
Him: Please don’t be sad. I think it’s pretty amazing that we met each other, took the big risk of going on a 4 day vacation (first date) across the country…and had a great time.
Me: I know. I hear you. I’m just sad, because I’m scared of the outcome.
Translation (not texted): please don’t hurt me. I haven’t felt this way before, I had a great time, I want to see where this goes, please be gentle with my heart.
Him: Yes I know, I also feel an intense level of mixed emotions. This type of passion can blind and confuse us and I’m scared of that. A little time apart will make us cool down and behave rationally versus emotionally. Please don’t take that the wrong way.
Um…..I am most definitely taking that - the. wrong. way. What way am I supposed to take it?
Right as I begin to spiral, and overthink, I realize I’m getting worked up about someone who lives 1000 miles away, could this be a blessing? Is this where I insert my stiff upper lip and my Los Angeles living motto of ‘rejection is protection?’
I take a beat. I put the phone down. I decide to sit tight and remind myself to pay attention to actions versus words, which has been my plan this entire time. I pick up the phone.
Me: You’re right.
Him: In the meantime if you could please share your schedule with me, I would like to come visit you for the weekend.
Okay - there he is…there is my guapo. For a minute there, I thought his nickname was going to turn to guano permanently.
I head into work. The sun is shining, it’s a sunroof open kind of day. I feel good to be back in my routine and on familiar ground. I love my job, so although coming home to an empty apartment is tough, heading into work is welcomed. I love buzzing around the building saying hi to everyone and I enjoy the thrill of what the day will bring. After all, live TV is very unpredictable, so every day is new adventure.
I have about two hours until I go Live. I just finished my appointment in the salon where I ask for my inner JLo to shine through, which translates to a slick ponytail, glowy skin and my favorite big dangle earrings. I changed up her typical nude lip to a pop of color, just because I was feeling a bit sassy.
Just then I turn the corner and run right into Shawn. She jumps up and down, squeals a bit and says, ‘OMG, how was your trip?’ I can’t help but smile and then out of nowhere, I feel tears welling up in my eyes. First, I think, What is this, are those real tears? Then I think, I have to hold it together because I don’t have time to fix runny black eyeliner. Shawn quickly retreats as all hosts know, not to talk about heavy things before going on-air…save those convos for a post-shift chat. She says, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, it was bad, we’ll talk about it later.’ No! I said. It was good. It’s just that it was so good, that now I’m scared.’
In true ‘Big Sis’ Shawn form, she puts her hands on my shoulders, looks me straight in the eyes and says, ‘Oh honey, that’s wonderful. G-D will work this out for you. We’ll talk later.’
I salvage my black eyeliner and go on-air. I love my time on-air. I can't think about anything other than exactly what is in front of me. This makes the experience meditative and a guarantee that I'll stay in the present moment for at least a couple of hours of my day.
I finish my shift,I just talked for three hours straight and I'm tired. It's both exhausting and exhilarating to hyper focus for hours on end.I get back to the dressing room and sit down.I wipe off my bright lip, unclip my big dangle earrings, take out my fake ponytail and slouch in my chair. I take a beat, a big inhale/exhale, time to regroup.
Ding. Guapo texts: 'Linda. You looked beautiful tonight.'