Chapter 31 - Did we need wine to discuss this topic...
#spillthebeansonlove - Chapter 31
Oh! Wow, ok. Did we need wine to discuss this topic? Was he nervous to ask me because he was talking to a late thirties girl who hasn’t already had children? Was he methodically stringing his words together because he wanted a yes…or did he want a no? After all, this is a guy who is in his early forties who also hasn’t had children, and I’m sure has had the opportunity…or maybe he hasn’t? TBD.
Luckily I am more fluid and natural with my conversation skills than my salsa moves, so I was comfortable telling him my views on this topic. I do however, have a tendency to ramble and over talk when it’s not necessary, so I decided to keep this in mind when telling him my answer, plus we had a dinner reservation to make.
I never realized what a big talker I am until I got my current TV hosting job. Right after I received the news that I got the job, I mentioned to one of my friends how nervous I was. I explained that I wasn’t sure I could talk for three hours straight. He looked at me and without missing a beat said, ‘are you kidding me? Remember the time we drove to Palm Springs and you talked the entire way from Los Angeles? Just do that!’ Noted.
With that in mind, I swirled my wine, took a deep inhale of the liquid perfection and began to explain myself.
Me: First of all, thank you for asking. That’s so kind of you to ask in the first place. (Ok, It’s already starting to sound like a job interview answer. I must make a tone switch - stat!).
Guapo: I realize this is a very personal question.
Me: It is, but it’s also a very important question. It’s interesting that you are asking me this question now, because my answer today is different than my answer was a few years back.
Here’s some backstory for you: I didn’t grow up as the little girl looking for her prince, dreaming about my wedding day, then my 2 babies with one on the way, each 2.5 years apart. I’m just not that girl. Instead, I grew up dreaming about what I was going to contribute to society, where I was going to travel, and how far I could make it in my career. It’s not that one way of dreaming is right, and one is wrong, it’s just how I’m designed and where I have been in my life up until a few years ago.
As I got a little older, I started accomplishing said goals, such as circumnavigating the globe three times on a cruise ship, seeing many of the great wonders of the planet, chipping away at my career over 20 years, and eventually ending up hosting regularly on TV, just as I had dreamed. It wasn’t until I achieved all of these things, that I finally began to wonder if there was more to life? I’d say this happened around the age of 34 or so. I think the best way to describe what I began feeling is for me to share with you my favorite Jim Carrey quote. 'I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.'
With some time and introspection, I came to the conclusion that yes, there is more…way way way more to life than travel, career and personal goals. However, when I looked seriously at where I was, and who I was with, I realized that up until this point, I haven't met someone with whom I wanted to reproduce (sorry for the non-emotional, very scientific term).
My dad once told me, point blank - don’t reproduce with that man, (an ex) and I’ll never forget it. It was so rare hear my Dad say anything about my relationships, and with this comment being so forward, it really stuck with me…and obviously I listened.
So again, looking deep, I had to ask myself who do I want to reproduce with? What kind of man? What characteristics must he posses? It’s one thing for me to date someone, another to even marry someone, but to create life with someone and have a forever connection to that person - well, quite frankly, that kind of blows my mind.
Since it had been 34 years or so, and I had not met anyone I was willing to have children with, I was simply (yet mistakenly) interpreting that as ‘I don’t want children.’
Once I figured out this mind-shattering revelation, that I did in fact want children, I just hadn’t found the right partner, I next had to convince myself not to rush into something just because of my age and my biological clock. It’s not fair to me, the man (internal thought - please be you, please be you), the relationship, or the cutie-pie baby who would be created.
So as I sit here reminding myself to not be long winded (ha), let me say that I am so proud of the very full life I have been able to create for myself. I am now very comfortable with the idea of having children…with the right person, (internal - you, you, you) yet I am also aware that at this age, there is a possibility that it may not happen.
Of course being the prepared, type A personality that I am, I can assure you I have taken some necessary steps, which we can discuss at another time, to increase my chances of making it happen. (Insert - a pretty big sip of wine with eyes locked on his here).
So with all of that being said, I guess it also depends on the answer of my partner. I do believe this is a two-way conversation and could even potentially be an area of compromise. But I will end with, if I do get to have children, I know I’ll look back and say, I couldn’t imagine life any other way…oh, and side note: I think they would be sooooooo cute.
He remains, patient, quiet and still. He lets that diatribe sink in. I don’t think he was expecting me to bust out into a stage right, 10 minute monologue with perfect blocking, flattering lighting and impeccable pauses for dramatic effect.
Welcome to asking Elise Ivy a deep life question. I think to myself, perhaps this is the last time he goes there?
I take a sip. I smile at him. I’m not expecting him to talk right away. I know that’s a lot. I know I’M a lot.
Guapo: Wow, thank you. That was so honest, beautiful, and from the heart.
Me: And you? Would you like to tell me over dinner?