How did you do it...?
The most beautiful part of sharing my love story on my blog has been the outpouring of love stories I get to read from YOU!
Yep – isn’t that cool? I never expected that I would get to wake up to love stories, success stories, and QUESTIONS. Lots and lots of questions about love. Me…the girl who took 38 years to meet someone. Well, life is always full of twists and turns and here we are, so let’s have some fun!
So, without a degree in any type of therapy or relationship advice, here are my personal answers/tips to some of your most asked questions. I hope you find these enjoyable, and perhaps even helpful…no guarantees ;)
We’ll start with the number one question I get asked:
How did you make long distance work?
This is a multifaceted answer (like the diamond pun?) I don’t think there’s one easy answer here, so I’ll tell you a few of the ways we chose to make the distance work in our favor.
- I am a believer in life that if you really want something to work, you will find a way. The kicker here is that TWO people really need to want this to work for it to happen. I guess in a way that makes it easier because if one person doesn’t try, then you both quickly have your answer.
That being said, at the very beginning when Guapo was courting me (even though I was the one to give my phone number) I chose to take a bit of the observer role to see how he would put forth effort. It’s easy for me to get swept off my feet quickly but taking the observer role kept me a bit more grounded. I did this with Guapo, for a short amount of time, and very quickly realized that he was an amazing communicator who went above and beyond with his effort and was not going to play games or take my company for granted. Once I realized that we were on the same page as far as what we wanted out of this relationship, I was in – I was ready to make equal or even more than equal effort. Now comes the communication part…
- So, here’s the beauty of today – facetime, zoom…it’s all normalized. Our technical ‘first date’ was a several hours long facetime. It’s amazing what you’ll learn from someone in that amount of time. I went with him to his office, on a walk with him and his dog, back to his house…I saw more of him and his real life than I probably would have seen if we had gone on a ‘real’ first date to a restaurant. This also seems like an easy low effort way to ‘weed someone out as well’ Luckily, I liked everything I saw. 😊 Moral of the story – there are sooooo many ways to communicate today. This means there’s no excuse not to. Choose a communication tool and use it, even if it seems unconventional at first.
- The next question is how often did we communicate? I think it’s important to communicate every single day when in a long-distance relationship (Guapo taught me this). I don’t mean long drawn-out convos or hour long facetimes…just a simple check-in will do. That being said – the text – the lowest form of communication ever created, is not acceptable as the only form of communication long term. This is filler in my opinion. I LOVED that Guapo texted me every single morning with a ‘good morning beautiful’ text and every single night, ‘good night mi amor’ text. This was a simple yet effective way for him to communicate to me that I was his first and last thought of the day and it meant so much to me. This was by no means his only communication of the day.
- We’re all busy, so having long conversations is not always doable, but a quick check-in on a lunch break, a call from the car as you drive to see your next client, a surprise email in your inbox saying hello (in addition to a phone call), these are all easy, doable ways to show love and respect. Making time for these gestures and creating space in your life to give and receive them will pay off in the end.
- This leads me to your priorities and communicating those to your long-distance love. Guapo told me very early on, that it was important to him that we talked every day. Once I understood the importance to him, I made that specific effort in my daily routine. Sometimes we would talk for an hour at night and other days we would just have the 5 min convo with text filler, but every day we were in touch. To be honest, when we first started dating, I wasn’t of the mindset that talking every day was that important. Once it became part of our relationship promise, I began to see the connection that it was creating. This is when I began to understand it's true value. It connected us, bonded us, allowed us to get woven into the fabric of each other’s life. Because of this connection, we were invested in each other’s daily wins, struggles, highs, lows, and joys!
- This next tip may not be possible for everyone in a long-distance relationship, but it was possible (most of the time) for us, and I think it served us well. We always tried to know exactly when we would see each other next. Meaning – we always had our next plane tickets bought. We knew who was flying to see who and when. Knowing when we would see each other next reduced my anxiety tremendously. I didn’t have to worry if I would EVER see him again (welcome to a creative/dramatic mind), instead, I just had to start my countdown to seeing him again.
- Final tip – Have and maintain your individual life with solid friendships with quality people. This not only enriches your current life situation but makes the distance easier. It gives you something to look forward to when your long-distance love must say goodbye for the time being.
Of course all circumstances are different and not everyone has the luxury of being able to follow the tips above. This was our situation, and these are some of the things that worked for us...
Obviously we faced many challenges being long-distance, and even more being long-distance during a global pandemic. It wasn't always easy, but it also wasn't terrible, because of our commitment to communicate. Sometimes I even wonder if we are better partners now because we successfully navigated long-distance dating. It's definitely possible.
The last little tidbit I'll leave you with is the beauty of not taking your time together for granted. I love this part of the story. If and when you do finally get to live together or even in the same city, the excitement, the gratitude, the celebration of spending every day together is so rich and exciting, every single day feels like vacation. Perhaps this is one of the biggest blessings of be apart for so long. The kicker - remembering this feeling, always...
More life updates to come, more house progress on the way, and more beauty tutorials will be posted. Be sure to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and NOW YOUTUBE!! Lots more on the way...